Is There Affair Survival Magic?

You know the answers to all these questions. Do you not? Yes, sigh, it's sad but true - surviving an affair has very little, if any, magic to it. Although, after you're through it, that is a definite possibility. But that's another story. But before that has any chance of happening, you need to move foward and leave your present pain and heartache behind.

What I'm going to do to help you in this discourse is to present some essential survival actions. And equally importantly, the mindset that is necessary to finally arrive at the success you want and need. These survival techniques are not magic - but they are solid,proven and time-tested. In short - They are your best survival hope!

The first action you need to take, is to rid your mind of "victim conciousness." Any comfort you may find in clinging to this "I'm-powerless-and-everybody's-against-me" will be momentary, and ultimately destructive. In short,you need to stop "crying in your beer.". This means recovering your personal power.

A prime element in this reality, which will also lead to regaining your self-respect, is subduing the nightmare images of your partner's affair. You'll notice I did'nt say "eliminating." For the logical reality that they can never be eliminated. But with time - they will only surface occasionally and with no power to aggravate.

To elevate yourself to this level - You will have to do what Oscar Wilde could not. "Resist Temptation." In your case, the temptation to continually project the parade of negative mental images in you "theatre of pain." You need to understand, and more importantly, accept that there will never be a "happy ending" to this movie. So - leave that theatre.

One way to do this is to set aside a time each day when you will invite the images in. Then replay the images backwards in your mind. Using this method, you'll find that with each session their power to aggravate you, and, correspondingly ,their importance will progressively weaken.

Inviting the images to leave at a time you've decided is the next step to take. This exercise, though subtle, takes a concrete postive step toward placing you in control. Not them.

Another essential mindset in recovering your self-worth and inner integrity is to stopshouldering the blame for what you didn't do. It wasn't your fault. It was your partner's decision. For which you are now suffering the consequences. Why should you feel responsible for that?

Clearly,your loved one is the guilty party. Now is the time for you to come to the aid of YOUR party. Your mental health. Your well being. Your self-respect.Your life. Your Future. It's self-evident, is it not? - if you don't become your own best cheerleader, how in the World can you expect anyone else to cheer you on?

So get started cheering now, by putting into action the techniques and attitudes I've presented here. And you'll discover that,progressively,each day, you'll be generating your own affair survival magic.

The Author is a relationship counsellor and former affair survivor who urges all suffering to learn the right way to survive an affair.